He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
