was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
