so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She announced her abortion via fbk
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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