Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
