That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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