Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
