Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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