My nipple is on Facebook.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can I color on your dick again?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
