The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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