I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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