you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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