no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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