I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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