I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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