So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
