Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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