Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
