Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
