why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
