I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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