Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
