oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
