so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
