I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
