So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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