I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
