im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
