yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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