the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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