porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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