Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
