he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
