i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
