we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
