Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
MIDGETS
????
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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