In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
