Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
