remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
