she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
