i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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