i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
