i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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