The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
