remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
