I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
