And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
