Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
