i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i think i have two assholes
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
