I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
