if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
