Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
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you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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