I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
