he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
