mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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