What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
