Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
