I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
