At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
