3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
