plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
