if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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