You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
