she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Someone shattered a urinal.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
