Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
