So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
