OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
