I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I love having hate sex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
