hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
