i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
