I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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