she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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